If I Could Turn Back Time
by TheDarkPassengerInside
Summary: Sets after 4x10.Morgana sends Merlin and Arthur back in time where he meets his parents before he was born.But who is the real threat to Arthur's life? What Arthur is willing to do to save his parents' lives?Characters:Arthur,Merlin,Morgana
1. Chapter 1

**If I could turn back time**

"I don't know why you are doing this!" I mutter, walking besides Arthur.

"What do you mean why? I like to hunt. Why is it so difficult to comprehend?" Arthur replies, starting to walk faster.

"Yeah. Right." I whisper. I know that he is so temper because of Gwen. Why can't he just admit it? It's not irrational or a sign of weakness so why can't he just talk about it? He might even feel better. But no. Because it's Arthur. He has to keep all those feelings inside because if he ever let anyone know that he has emotion he will die. At least that's what he thinks.

"I didn't bring you with me to question me or to murmur all the time." Arthur points out.

"Why do you bring me then?" I ask. Me talking is gonna make him angrier but I don't quite care.

Arthur stops walking and I am preparing myself for a lecture. But then I look where he is looking at.

Morgana.

Great. That's fucking great.

"What are you two doing all alone in the woods?" she asks playfully.

"We decided to run away together." Arthur says mimicking Morgana's voice, which apparently finds funny.

"Oh don't be like that Arthur. We haven't talked since I tried to take over Camelot. And I did for a while but thanks to your stupidly loyal servant I failed." She says glaring at me. Of course she has to mention this in front of Arthur. For one more time, I am grateful that I never told her about my powers despite my eager to tell someone, to tell _her. _I have to admit that I liked her. A lot. So I wanted to tell her, so she wouldn't feel alone. But I didn't, which made me wonder for two years if that was a mistake and what would have happened if she knew. Would she be so eager to run away and to idolize Morgause? Would she still turn to Uther? Would she still be so desperate to take over Camelot and kill her brother? I would never know. One thing I know for sure. That she can't ever find out. Not now. The moment of truth has passed and I hope that it won't ever come. She could use that knowledge against me –and Arthur- in so many ways.

"How in the hell Merlin helped on ruining your evil plans?" Arthur asks glancing suspiciously at me.

"He didn't tell you? What a shame." She comments, making her voice too girly.

Since Arthur realises that he won't get any answer either from me or from Morgana, he raises slightly his hands and he sighs. "Whatever. So, now what? Are you going to kill us?"

"Oh, I have a much better plan, don't you worry." She replies, coming towards us.

I am ready to use my magic whenever I have to. If she even dares to attacks to Arthur…

"I am not worried." Arthur says mocking her voice again. "But I would really like you to give me the heads up. What kind of diabolical plan is that?"

"If I tell you it won't be so diabolical would it?" Morgana replies. Now she is just a few steps away from Arthur. She raises her hand and I am on the edge of using my magic, but all she does is stroking Arthur's face.

"Things would be so different if you weren't so naive, Arthur." She whispers. Her voice sounds so different than before. There is not sign of mocking, of anger or anything that makes the new 'evil' Morgana. She sounds nostalgic, rather than anything else. "We could have had something…Don't you remember? It was going to be me and you against the world."

I narrow my eyes. What is that supposed to mean? It can't be what I am thinking.

I can't see Arthur's expression but he stays silent. He doesn't even move.

Morgana's nostalgic smile fades away and her faces darkens. "But you had to fall in love with her. You had to be your father's son."

In love with her? Is she talking about Gwen? She doesn't mean that she was…in love with Arthur does she?

I remember everyone saying how adorable couple she and Arthur were, when I first came to Camelot, which was annoying at the time since I liked her. I did notice that she liked Arthur, but I wasn't sure if it was anything more than I liked Gwen. Arthur never talked about Morgana –not that he talked about any girl at all but still- so I assumed that, this so called union wasn't going to happen. But if Morgana felt anything more than what she was showing for Arthur why didn't she ever say anything?

"Now, it's too late for anything." Morgana says through her teeth, with her eyes locked at Arthur's. Then she closes her eyes and she leans her head down slightly and she starts whispering something.

A spell.

Before I could react, I feel something like a wind coming to me. I am forced to close my eyes.

When I open them again, I am prepared for the worse, but what I see surprises me.

Both I and Arthur are in the exact same position that we were before. Like nothing changed. Except from Morgana. She is no longer here.

"Are you all right?" Arthur asks, who seems as surprised as I am.

I nod. "You?"

"Yeah. What the hell happened?" he asks, but I don't answer. He looks around for something. "Let's just go back, shall we?"

I finally agree with him. I have a feeling that something really strange happened though, but I don't know what that could be. Everything seems the same.

"Come on." He says and from his voice I can understand that he is as upset as I am.

I want to ask him what he thinks of Morgana's words, but I don't. I am not sure how that would help, so I don't ask. For now at least.

A few metres away, we hear someone coming.

First I presume that they are soldiers from another kingdom or thieves, because I am that lucky. But I am mistaken.

A woman laughing, runs towards us and she falls on Arthur accidentally. I can't see her face clearly but she seems straggly familiar. She has blond long her hair, that fall on her solders. Her dress, tells me that she isn't a peasant. No. She surely belongs to a loyal family. Her laugh makes me think for a moment that she came out from a fairytale.

"Oh my God!" she puffs "I am so sorry Sir!"

"It's ok." Arthur says. "Are you all right? Are you h-" he helps her stand on her feet but when he looks at her, he freezes.

A man running towards us. "Everything all right?" he asks.

He seems familiar to.

It doesn't take me long to realize who he is. Who she is. My jaw drops.

Oh my God.

This can't be good.

"Igraine? Are you all right?" he asks still smiling.

It's them. They are like twenty years old but it's them. They are…They are Arthur's parents. Uther and Igraine. I can't imagine how Arthur must feel right now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Not so much action into this chapters, I just want clear some of Merlin's thoughts. You can consider that the end is a cliffhanger xD**

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><p>The young man, who is apparently Uther, takes a moment to catch his breath and then he asks "Everything alright?"<p>

I step closer to Arthur, so I could see better, both of him and his parents. Now that I am looking at Igraine better, I can see the resemblance. Apart from the blond hair, her and Arthur have the same blue eyes and the same laugh.

The one who surprises me the most is Uther. And it's not that he is younger. He seems so different. So happy, so innocent.

"Yes. I almost throw this man down, but other than that everything is fine." Igraine says looking at Arthur apologetically, giving him an innocent smile.

"Please accept my apologizes, sir. It's entirely my fault." Uther says, grapping Igraine from her waist and pulling her slightly back to his arms.

Wait a second. Did Uther just apologize? If he didn't look like the Uther I know, I would bet that he is someone else. "Are you alight?" he asks Arthur.

For the first time I turn my gaze on Arthur. His face has a mix of emotions. He seems stunned, shocked, happy, about to cry…Well, I can't blame him. They are not my parents and I can't talk.

"I…I am fine." He somehow manages to reply, with his eyes fixed on his mother's face with such intensity as if he is trying to memorize every detail of her face.

"I am glad." She says joyfully. "What's your name?"

"I am ….Henry" He mutters, adding a smile.

"And you?" Igraine asks me.

I guess I have to lie too. I mean it makes sense. I don't won't to influence…hell I don't what. I don't know if they are even real or Morgana's illusions. Or she could just sent us back in time, which makes me worry because this is damn powerful magic. I didn't even know that time travel was possible. Whatever that is or whenever we are, I decide not to take my chances so I lie. Besides it's not the first time I am lying about who I am. "I am William." I breathe out. I don't know why I used Will's name. I have to admit that I don't think about him as much as I did a few years ago, but he was my best friend, the only one –apart from Lancelot- that knew who I was and accepted me.

I want to bring back my memories of the people that I've lost…Will, Freya, Lancelot, my father…But I don't want to get into that now. I have to concentrate on what's going on here. I have to focus on Arthur and how I am fixing whatever Morgana did.

"Are…are you from…around here?" Arthur asks, unable to take his eyes of off his parents.

"Yes, we are from Camelot. I am Igraine and this is Uther." She introduces herself and her husband, while he gives her a look saying 'stop telling people who the hell we are'. He has a point.

"Uther Pendragon? Like the king?" I ask, trying to seem as ignorant as I can.

Uther nods a little bit annoyed. He apparently didn't want to get recognized. Arthur bows slightly and I follow his lead. I still can't believe how calmly he is handling the situation.

"Is there any chance that you can tell us where Camelot is?" I ask smiling.

Igraine opens her mouth to reply, but she closes it back, glancing at Uther. He rolls his eyes. "What are your intentions? Why do you want to attend to Camelot?"

Right. So what the hell do I say? I am not sure when we are, so I can't use Gauis as an excuse. I don't even know if he is at Camelot or not. But at least he does know my mother. She and Gauis had spend a few years together in Ealdor. My mother was born and raised there and Gauis was studying physics with his uncle who lived there.

"Um…We…My mother told me to deliver a letter to Gauis…His uncle is ill and...you know." I reply and I realize that my voice is trembling. I always was scared of Uther, not just because of who I am and what he would do to me if he ever found out but because he were really authoritative and the way he looked at me or to anyone who didn't like was just...I don't know how to say it. He was never friendly at all.

"Who is Gauis?" Uther asks. Shit. He doesn't know him.

"He is the physician, Uther." Igraine informs him. "The one who works with Nimueh."

I gasp, silently –thank God for that-. Nimueh. I had totally forgot about her. Maybe she is not super-evil now, but still it's not that I am looking forward to see her again. Even though she looks damn gorgeous. Which reminds me that I won't recognize her, since I never saw her 'real' her, just a disguise.

"So, can we come?" I insist.

"We will confirm that with Gauis and you can stay." Uther says looking at me. "Are you sorcerer?"

I gasp again in combination with a giggle. It's not that I haven't heard Uther saying that I have magic, but the fact that he asked me like he was asking if I knew how to fight.

Of course he does. Now magic is allowed, so sorcery were something common and not a crime.

"No, sir." Arthur replies for both of us. "We do not practice magic."

I don't know why, but I feel kind of guilty for Arthur. He is telling lies without knowing it. I am lying to him and that makes me feel so bad at some moments that I want to cry and tell him everything. Like all those moments when he called me his friend and he was looking at me in away that was confirming his words, which always leave me stunned and guilty because -even for that moment- I am the most important person for him. But other times, lies are second nature to me. I don't even think that there is a possibility to tell Arthur the truth.

When Uther agreed on following him back to Camelot, we start walking slowly towards the kingdom. Uther and Igraine are walking a few steps in front of us, with some knights being besides them.

When we arrive at Camelot is night and we go straight to Gauis chambers but thank God for that he isn't yet here. We really have to consider what to tell him when he arrives, but now my primary concern is Arthur.

"Are you ok?" I ask. But I have to ask a couple of times to get an answer since Arthur is totally lost.

"I am fine." His response doesn't convince me and he realises that so he adds "I…I don't know why Morgana would do that. What does she have to gain?"

"I don't know either. Maybe she wants you out of the way so she could attack Camelot. Maybe she has some kind of trap for you, here."

"And why would she do that? I mean why she would bother sending us back?" he asks and I really can't answer that. He looks at me and his blue eyes seem so sad, like he can't bear it anymore. God, I can't see him like that. I wish I could make it ok, like I always tried to.

I am just realizing that I hadn't be aware of the reasons why I did all those things for Arthur. Apart from protecting him from any physical harm and helping him to be who he is meant to, I always wanted to see him happy. I am not sure why but I just can't see him hurt in any way. That's why I wanted to save his father and -to be honest- this is why I want him to get back with Gwen. Gwen is my friend as well but we are not as close as we used to and I firmly believe that she can make it on her own in contrast with Arthur, who although he won't ever admit it, always needs someone by his side.

Sometimes, I wonder if what I do is pretentious. I want to protect Arthur from harm but I know that _I_ am the one who will hurt him when he finds out the truth about me. But I don't want to think of that either. Not now at least.

I step in front of Arthur, making him look at me. "Listen to me Arthur. We are going to be ok. We are going back to where we were soon."

Arthur seems slightly touched from what I said and soon I realize why "I am not sure I am coming back, Merlin."

"What?" I gasp and I glance at the Pendragon loyal couple to see if they heard me "Of course you are. Why wouldn't you?"

"Because I don't want to." He replies looking down.  
>"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Listen Arthur, maybe that's what Morgana's plan is. To make you stay here so she could take over Camelot." I protest.<p>

Arthur's expression seems so distant for a moment, like he is trying to figure something vitally important out. Then he looks at me, in his own special way that always make me feel sympathy and admiration for him. To add the ice on the cake, he smiles sadly. "Look…I know that…I know that you believe in me and that you care about me and I really appreciate that. I also know that my people have faith in me. But I don't deserve any of it Merlin." I am about to protest but he continues "It's ok. I can make it ok, now that I have the chance. I even have a plan. I am going to…I know that my father used magic to help my mother conceive me, even though both you and he denied it."

"Arthur, why-" I try to say something but he cuts me off again.

"Just let me finish please." I nod so he continues "Nimueh was the one who helped him, I believe. So…Uhm. My plan is to tell her not to help my father in any circumstances and if that doesn't work hell we are…we are gonna kill her." He wants to say more but he pauses to let me process, comprehend and digest what he is saying. He's right. I need time.

"Yes but then you will never...OH MY GOD Arthur, you can't be serious." I yell at him.

Arthur shrugs. Just to confirm the unspeakable I say "Are you suggesting to kill Nimueh so you…so you were never born?"


	3. Chapter 3

**I am not sure if this chapter is good or to cheesy. I hope it's good and you'll enjoy it :D The end of the chapter is kinda crappy but I didn't know where to end it. :S**

**Please review xD**

**Warning: a little bit of cursing.**

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><p>Arthur doesn't answer, which confirms my statemnt.<p>

"Why in the hell would you want that?" I yell at him. I am not sure, but I think that I haven't yelled at him –at anyone for that matter- like that before. Arthur notices and he goggles his eyes, but other than that he doesn't seem to have a change of hearts. He takes a deep breath and he waves me to sit down but of course I don't. I am so angry and shocked that I am proud of myself that I didn't punch his royal face. All I did was for him, so he would be alive and he just wants to give his life away. And for what? For his blood-thirsty, cheating, shellfish, stupid father? I don't know his mother, but...she doesn't fucking worth it. No one does.

I don't notice that someone had walked in until he speaks "Who are you?"

I turn around and apparently my gaze 'kills' because the man that had just came in, looks at me weirdly. After a couple of seconds I reliaze that the man is no other than Gauis. I crack a smile. He looks nothing like him, though. I mean surely he has some feautures –like the shape and colour of his eyes- but other than that nothing. He doesn't wear his usual red long blouse but a short –normal- black one. His hair is brown. Ha, I never wondered what colour his hair used to be.

"I'm Henry." Arthur says "This is my friend, William."

Gaius gives us a 'so what' look, so I continue. "My friend here is sick and we would like your help."

I am not sure why I said that. I mean he has to confirm to Uther that he knows us but he won't ever do that without trusting us first. "I am also Hunith's...um...cousin. She told you I was coming, didn't she?"

Gauis takes a moment to process the information. "No she didn't. What's wrong with your friend?" He looks suspiciously at both of us. Well, I don't blame him.

"He wants to die." I snap. It's childish and idiotic but I am still angry, so...

"Pardon?" Gauis gasps.

"He's just joking."Arthur says hitting me with his shoulder as he passes me by. "We do need your help though. Can I...We could like to talk to the woman who practices the old religion."

Gauis frowns "You mean Nimeuh?"

"Yes." Arthur shakes his head.

Fuck. Damn it. He will do something stupid and I have to clean up his mess.

"What for?" Gauis asks. Thank God he isn't stupid and he asks a lot of questions. I never thought I would be grateful for that kind of behaviour – which honestly would have got me killed- but in this case I find it extremely convenient.

"It's personal." Arthur replies getting annoyed by all those questions. I guess he's not used to answer to anything since he is the King and he does whatever he wants. Well, almost.

Gauis sighs. "Well, she isn't here. She will be here tomorrow."

"That's alright. We will come back tomorrow. We are going to be at the motel, just so you know." He says and waves me to leave. I obey him, since I want to keep yelling at him for his stupid plan.

"We are going to stay at the motel." He repeats after we leave Gauis' chambers.

"I don't care where we are gonna stay, Arthur." I say flatly but he ignores me as he walks quickly out of the palace, heading for the motel. I decide that he's right. It's better to continue our conversation somewhere private. I am sure that this isn't his aim, but I don't care.

When we finally find a room, I am ready to start shouting again, but Arthur talks first "We should find a story. We can't just tell a different lie to everyone we meet."

"Don't avoid the subject." I say coldly.

Arthur sighs and sits on his bed. I sit on my bed – next to his- so I can make him look at me. "I am not avoiding anything, Merlin. There is nothing to talk about."

I get up angrily "Are you fucking stupid? You think I am just gonna let you fuck everything up?" I yell again. This time, Arthur's jaw drops, since he hasn't heard me cursing before either. I am surprised at myself as well, cause I never curse. I used to when I was a teenager and I wanted to sound smart or something. _Well, yeah, Arthur I am full of surprises. You wouldn't dream of it... _

"I am not _fucking_ anything _up_, Merlin." His voice is calm but forceful "I am just correcting things."

"How?" my voice isn't any lower and I wonder if the whole motel can hear me.

Arthur takes a deep breath and he looks at me silently for a long time, which makes me calm –slightly- down and sit down.

"I know this sounds..._fucking stupid_" he starts mimicking my voice and he giggles nervously. "I know you are trying to protect me but...Think about it, Merlin. My mother died when she gave birth to me. And it's not just her. Think all those people that died because of me. All those who practiced magic were executed. Thousands upon thousands died because magic was outlawed, because I was born."

He pauses for a while, but I know he has more to say so I take the chance to talk. But "Arthur..." is all I can say. My voice trembles. I know he has a lot of arguments. I know that he is right and _that's_ what is killing me. Even the thought that the thought that all those deaths are Arthur's fault, makes me feel so guilty. The facts that Arthur believes that, is something new. I always was aware of his guilt about his parents' deaths but not for all those people's. It wasn't his fault after all. It was Uther's. He wanted to cover up his faulty decision with blood.

"Think about your friends." He breaks the silence, adding a sad smile in the end, which makes me look away "All those people that we-that _you_ knew and died or suffered because of me...William, Lancelot..."

Freya, my father...

"I destroyed so many lives, Merlin." Arthur's voice breaks but he takes a breath and continues "Of people that you cared about. Of people that I cared about. My father's happiness, Morgana, Guinevere...If I didn't exist, my father and my mother would live happily, Guinevere could have marry Lancelot, Morgana could be...queen. She would have to run away and turn against us. She would be accepted as she were here, in Camelot. All those people...druids, warlocks, prophets, Dragonlords...wouldn't have to flee...wouldn't have to hide and be afraid of their own lives and their children's. Magic would be allowed." He pauses again and says hesitantly but with calmness as well "That's what you want, isn't it?"

"What?" I snap. I don't realize I am crying until I hear my voice. I bury my head in my hands to wipe my tears and to think what the hell that last thing was supposed to mean. But the thought that comes to mind first, is how Arthur can feel so damn guilty about all those people, without me noticing. Because that's not something new, that come up when we came here, but it's something that he's thinking for a lot of time -for his whole life even- and it just came on the sarface. I don't know how to feel. Angry, sad, compassion...I don't know. I don't even know if he's right.

Oh my God. How can I even think that he is? How can I think that it was better that Arthur was never born? I feel my eyes burning, so I squeeze them in order not to cry more or sob.

I don't know how much time has been since I last spoke, but Arthur waits patiently for me to pull myself together.

I have to think what to say to him, because I know that he values my opinion, even though he won't ever admit it. But he won't listen to me if I say that all those tragedies aren't his fault but his father's. So I have to think about something else.

I finally decide to look at him. "What about me, Arthur?" I simply say.

"What do you mean?" he asks calmly again, reminding me my mother's tone when I asked her a question when I was 4.

I don't know what to answer. I can't say about my destiny –that _he_ is my destiny-. I can't say what we are meant to do together. But I want to say something, so the result is that I open my mouth a couple of times without any sound coming out.

A knock on the door, interrupts us. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as Arthur opens the door.

It's Nimueh.


End file.
